The Sunless Tanner Series Pt.I: L'Oreal Sublime Bronze

Hi Ladies!
I've been marinating - or should I say baking - on this post for a while now and since I'm about to drop asleep at my desk I figure now is as good a time as any to write it. Summer has finally hit the dot, MMVA's and AWWA are coming up and I needs my bronze with a quickness.

Heckle if you must, but I honestly believe that everyone looks better with a tan. Except my mum. For some reason when she tans her skin just looks dirty. So, okay then. Everyone but my mum looks better with a tan.

I personally am still a fan of good old fashioned sunbathing to give me the lovely reddish-bronze glow I crave, but that's not cute for most people out there. (Hey remember when I promised not to do long-ass intros anymore? Oops) In the absence of the sun, here are a few products that have stolen my money helped me out along the way.

I originally wanted to do this all in one post but it's going to be waaay too long. So it's going to have to be a series. First item on the agenda is the L'Oreal Sublime Bronze suite of products. There are a tonne! And I've tried most of them.

First up on the agenda is the Sublime Bronze Lotion.

This is a great one if you're skilled enough to handle a non-tinted lotion without streaks (or if you don't care about streaking). The deep version delivers good colour in a couple of days and dries relatively quickly. It stinks far less than other tanners I've used. It's also a nice thick lotion that contains Vitamin E, AHAs, and SPF 15 so you can just apply it and go about your merry non-ashy business.

I use this one when I know in advance I want to be tanned for a particular day.

Verdict is yes on this one.

Next up is the Self-Tanning Gelee in Deep.

Although L'Oreal's website claims this one is a lightweight formula that dries quickly, I actually find it takes longer to dry than the lotion. And ooh Lordy this stinks to high heaven! I'm not a fan of this in general.
I like the fact that it's tinted and shimmery, but the tint is too light and the shimmer too pervasive to get top ratings in my book. And the colour payoff is negligible at best.
I actually don't even think it works to be honest. I basically use this one when I'm getting ready to go out as a tinted shimmer lotion and try to forget the fact that it's supposed to be a sunless tanner.

I give this a verdict of yes as a tinted lotion, but no as a sunless tanner.

The disappointment of the gelee pales in comparison to the fiasco that is the next product.

The Dual Action Bronzer + Self-Tanning Lotion for Face.

Although this is supposed to provide "...an immediate bronze glow while a long-lasting, natural tan develops over time", it did absolutely jack-sh*t for me but make my face stink.

The tinted part is too pale and runny and the lotion part is too greasy.

This gets a big fat hell's no from me.

And that's all there is to say about that.

I have to make a brief mention here of the Sublime Bronze Mit. I don't even think they make this anymore because I couldn't find it on their site. I've never used this personally but once my good friend Heidi came to visit me for the weekend and we did one of our traditional Shopper's runs and she picked this up. She used it and oh boy was it a hot mess! She was streaked to high heaven and the worse part is that she forgot to wash her hands afterward. I felt so bad for her. My Heidi is a PPP from way back so it was mad noticeable that her legs were streaked and her palms and cuticles were orange. From what I observed the colour wasn't too natural looking but since I didn't use it myself I'm not going to render a verdict. I will say though that it should probably be reserved for self-tanning experts lol.

Moving on now to the Sublime Glow Daily Moisturizer and Natural Skin Tone Enhancer

According to L'Oreal this is "scientifically designed to work with your body's unique chemistry" and will "gradually deepen your skin's natural complexion for the perfect does of healthy summer every time you moisturize."

Yeah, not so much. There was no deepening of complexion for me at all. It was a nice moisturizer though and it smells like honey, which is a plus.

My main issue with this is kinda dumb though. Even though it didn't work for me at all, I still used it as a lotion. Problem was that I was paranoid that it would tan my palms so I had to frantically wash my hands every time I used it or touched the tube (I'm a bit nuts sometimes) and then I would have to re-moisturize them with a safe lotion. Kind of a pain, right? I was never so glad to see a tube of lotion run out in my life. This one is a verdict no as well.

One last one:

The Sunless Scrub also deserves a mention, but just a brief one. It's a great little exfoliator, but nothing earth-shattering. It does have a pleasant beachy smell that fits right in with the bronzing motif. I don't even know if they make this anymore but if you see it in a discount bin somewhere it's worth a little 99 cents still.